The Italian who went to Malta

(Must be read with an Italian accent)
One day ima gonna Malta to bigga hotel. lna morning I go down
to eat breakfast.
I tella waitress " ! wanna two pissis toast." She brings me only
one piss. I tella her "l wont two piss." She say " go to toilet."
I say "you no understand, I wanna two piss onna my plate."
She says "you better no piss onna plate, you sonna ma bitch."
I don't even know the lady and she call me sonna ma bitch.
Later I go to eat at the bigga restaurant. The waitress brings me
a spoon and a knife but no fock. I tella her " I wanna fock. "She
tell me "everyone wanna fock." I tell he/' you no understand. I
wanna fock on the table." She say "you better not fock on the
table, you sonna ma bitch."
So I go back to my room inna hotel and there is no shits onna
my bed. Call the manager and tella him "l wanna shit." He tell
me "go to toilet." I say" you no understand. I wanna shit onna
bed." He say "you better not shit onna bed, you sonna ma
bitch."
I go to the checkout and the man at the desk say:" Peace on
you." I say "Piss on you too, you sonna ma bitch."
I gonna back to ltaly.