The 12 Commandments for older folks

#1 - Talk to yourself, because there are times you need expert advice

#2 - Consider "in style" to be the clothes that still fit.

#3 - You don't need anger management; you just need people to stop pissing you off.

#4 - Your people skills are just fine. It's your tolerance for idiots that need work.

#5 - The biggest lie you tell yourself is, "I don't need to write that down. I'll remember it."

#6 - These days, "on time" is when you get there.

#7 - Even duct tape can't fix stupid, but it sure does muffle the sound.

#8 - Wouldn't it be wonderful if we could put ourselves in the dryer for ten minutes, then come out wrinkle-free and three sizes smaller?

#9 - Lately, you've noticed people your age look so much older than you.

#10 - You thought growing old would take a lot longer.

#11 - Aging sure has slowed you down, but it hasn't shut you up.

#12 - You still haven't learned to act your age and hope you never will.

And one more:
So you know you're growing old when "one for the road" means taking a pee before you leave